


Missed Connections

by cryingmathematically



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, these are snippets that I may expand upon later but probably not, this is super corny but I'm having fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 22:24:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13040694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryingmathematically/pseuds/cryingmathematically
Summary: three confessions, of sorts





	Missed Connections

**Author's Note:**

> this is messy but have fun

I.

_I loved you. You were my brother._

_You were also so much more._

_You knew of the desire, didn’t you? But did you know of the love?_

_You didn’t-- I made sure you didn’t. Attachments are forbidden, and I--_

_There was so much in me that was forbidden. I’m so sorry, Anakin. For everything._

_I loved you._

II.

Meditation was a part of the Jedi’s life. To search for balance and compassion, to forswear vice and attachments-- it was something that came only with difficulty to the mind, only with discipline and patience and practice. It was not a patience that came naturally to Anakin’s mind, or a practice that particularly caught his interest.

Obi-Wan shifted in his position on the floor, bent his neck from side to side. He could feel, through the Force, the disturbance of Anakin’s presence across from him.

“Breathe, Padawan,” he reminds lightly. Obi-Wan attempts to use the Master-Padawan bond to communicate a suggestion of calm-- not to perform the meditation for Anakin, simply to offer him a guiding hand to follow. He has no intention of prying into Anakin’s mind, but the agitation is rolling off his mind, uncontained and roaming.

The burning need, frustration. A frustration that is familiar but disconcerting; Obi-Wan can’t quite place it. Anakin’s mind recoils abruptly, and when Obi-Wan snaps his eyes open he finds that Anakin on his feet, backing towards the door, face flushed in what appears to be shame.

Obi-Wan feels the same shame on his own face, but he has done nothing to provoke it-- such a behavior, particularly during meditation, was no intrusion on one’s Padawan. Privacy is largely foreign within the Temple.

Obi-Wan’s body understands before his mind does. Sexual energy is… normal, even for a Jedi, but he had been so young taking Anakin on as a Padawan, still half in love with his old master. Any fleeting instance of desire was so colored by the shame and grief of that loss-- not only had he wanted his master, but he had let him die-- that lust had died in him with Qui-Gon. He’d hoped not to have to revisit it, but here was Anakin, with the same feelings he’d had as Padawan.

Perhaps the simplest thing, the kindest thing, would be to pretend not to have noticed. To let himself forget. There was a lot, then, that needed to be forgotten.

III.

Hesitation hung in Anakin’s eyes and his eyes slid back and forth over Obi-Wan-- his eyes kept returning to look down, at Obi-Wan’s mouth, but he couldn’t hold them still. They kept darting back, to eyes, to Obi-Wan’s hands and back to his mouth, to eyes, to the room behind them. A dance as if to determine whether this was happening, whether his stoic master was standing in front of him, a hand on the back of Anakin’s neck and eyes on his mouth.

Obi-Wan felt the hesitation in his stomach swell to disgust, to panic-- what was he doing, what would Qui-Gon think of him-- but that was the moment that Anakin’s mouth crashed against his own. Inexperienced, both of them, too much teeth, noses knocking against one another. What had he become, he was corrupted. And Anakin’s lips parted and Obi-Wan’s followed in kind without his thinking about it. And even worse than his own desires he had his hands on a Padawan--

 _former Padawan, but it feels just as shameful_

\--his hand that now knotted into the hair at Anakin’s neck as Anakin pulled back for a second and smiled--

_so eager, with awe in his face_

\--before returning emboldened to deepen the kiss. No more hesitation was left on Anakin’s part. Hands slid onto Obi-Wan’s hips, but Obi-Wan’s own hovered over Anakin’s shoulders, too afraid to pull him in and too unwilling to push him away.

"I’m sorry", he said, to no one in particular, and let his hands touch skin.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback much appreciated; if there's anything you want to see or have me expand on let me know


End file.
